What Can Man Do To Me?

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These little troubles are getting us ready for an eternal glory that will make all our troubles seem like nothing. 2 Corinthians 4:17

With God by my side, I will not fear. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6

I've been plagued with fear my entire life. I swear I started getting gray hairs when I was 12, and my mom used to tell me it was from worrying all the time. I've had a creased forehead since my teens, from frowning and furrowing my brow. I remember being scared to sleep by myself, so I made my sister share a bed with me, for many years longer than she would have liked to. Even in high school, I was convinced I wouldn't be able to go off to college unless she went with me; there was no way I would be able to sleep at night by myself. Fear and anxiety have ruled my life for the majority of it, and in December, I was paralyzed with irrational fear. This wasn't the first time I had experienced this feeling of drowning while on dry land, but it was definitely the hardest to get past.

In my prayer journal I carefully transcribed every Bible verse dealing with fear, worry, and anxiety. I meditated on these daily. I recited them over and over. I wrote them on my desk calendar, taped them to my computer, copied one onto an index card and tucked it into my ID badge, so I could flip to it as often as I needed through the day. Psalm 118 spoke to me over and over again. It is full of some of the most beautiful poetry I've ever read and truths that bring tears to my eyes.

With God by my side, I will not fear. What can man do to me? This doesn't mean I won't suffer or face hardships, that's impossible, but it does mean that during these turbulent times, I don't have to let fear rule me and control my life. I can be confident in God, no matter what is happening around me. And what can they possibly do to me anyway with God beside me? Matthew 10:28 says in part, "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul." Fearing man and man-made situations will only destroy my peace and take away the confidence and faith I have in God. People will hate me for no reason, talk about me, spread lies and rumors, but these are little troubles, speed bumps that I will barely remember when I reach my eternal kingdom. So I cannot waste time here being fearful, but instead glorifying God and showing others the power He can have in my life.

December 5, 2014:

Thank you, Lord, for the many blessings in my life- things I take for granted constantly: my health, my husband, my son, my home, my family, my church, my small group, my work friends, my preachers, Your never-ending mercy in spite of my constant short-comings and mistakes. You are daily showing me how to trust in You and Your promise to keep me safe. Thank you for taking my worries and fears away from me. Thank you for freeing me from my ever-present yoke of shale, guilt, remorse and fear. Thank you for giving me another day to prove to You and to myself the great things I can do when I do it in Your holy name.

Please, Lord, show me how to listen for you. I don't want this to be a one-sided conversation. I want to follow Your will for my life, but I still don't know how to hear it. Please show me, tell me, lead me to someone who can. I am keeping my eyes turned to You, and I can feel You are making me a better person because I am finally submitting to Your Will instead of fighting it at every turn. I am Yours and I want o do everything YOU want me to do. I want to go where you want me to go, or stay if that's Your ultimate plan. I know I have to trust you whatever the outcome. I am praying that if it is Your Will then You will allow me to find a new job. But I also know if I apply for fifty jobs and don't get any of them, them I will stay where I am and do Your will here.

My job is not my calling. My calling is to serve You, and I can do that anywhere.  Please continue to open my eyes to that. Please fill me today with a peace that transcends human understanding. Please protect me from the unimportant things of this world- these temporary things that I allow to cloud my vision to what is most important. You are my eternal life.