Take Courage! I am Here!

Part One: In the beginning....

So she did something she had never done. She sat down with a notebook and her Bible and she started writing to God. She wrote down verses to spoke to her about suffering and persevering. She poured her heart out to God. She listened to a few of her favorite worship songs from church service. She was drawn to Matthew 14 and the recounting of Jesus walking on water:

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,”they said, and cried out in fear.

27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

29 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,”he said, “why did you doubt?”

And she wrote: 

I want to trust in you fully, but I feel like everything is a one-side

conversation. Where are you? Why am I not being comforted by You? 

Why can't I feel You? Why can't I hear You? What am I doing wrong?

If I can just find the courage to trust in You fully, I will be happier. And I know 

I can only do that if I trust you. But I don't know how to do that! 

Show me how. Tell me something. Help me please. I am begging. I am 

open and willing, I just don't know how. Jesus told Peter, "Take courage!

I am here!" and Peter had the courage to take those first steps onto the water. 

Give me that courage.

For almost four hours she wrote and read and talked to God and cried. She was broken, completely humbled, fully at God's mercy for the first time ever. Physically exhausted, emotionally drained and puffy-eyes, she decided to take a shower. (Just stay with me for a second here, I promise I'm going somewhere with this) She turned her worship music on, climbed in, and under the scalding stream of the shower head, she fell apart. She found herself  in the floor, crying and worshiping, hands raised to the heavens. She cried as she listened to the lyrics, and finally she felt Him. After all these years of empty faith, she felt reborn. She considers that shower to be her real rebirth, her baptism. The outward acknowledgement that her old self was dead and buried, and she was beginning a new life in Jesus. She felt washed clean. She came out of that shower with a peace that she didn't think was possible and a new hope for her life. 

That day was December 3, 2014. The day my life was changed forever. Every day I grow stronger in my faith and closer to God. This is my journey.